Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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