just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
