i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
