How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
