I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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