Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
