I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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