i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i drank out of a bidet.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
