I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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