Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
