Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
