he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So squirting runs in the family.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
