the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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