This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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