What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
