Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
