Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pooping to opera.
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