if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Say something about gay babies.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You took a bar mat shot.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
