pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
