sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
