So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
