The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
