I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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