we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
