It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The air was thick with penises
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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