I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
