Taylor Swift is so right about you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
