Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
