I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We talked him into tasing himself.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
