you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
