Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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