some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
