Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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