How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
