Please, let me fuck your mom
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
