She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
