In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
