I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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