How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she looked like the before picture.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
