Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
