When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
