i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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