How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
