you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
