i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
