oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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