Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
