girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
