I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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