The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
