Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
