Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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