If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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