Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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