just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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