I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
