First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
