First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
