Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't turn off my feet"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
