those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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