You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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