dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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