Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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