i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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