She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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