I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i've created a new STD.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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