So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
