i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
