When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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