No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
