they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
