I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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