My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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