i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
