Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I could fuck to npr.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize