cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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