You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
