i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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