And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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