i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
