Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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