Having a random hookup so left but love u
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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