She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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