oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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