I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
