is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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