she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
