Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
