He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
