It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
