I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
