I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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