I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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